Ghosts of Elysium
by DarthReavus
Summary: Commander Shepard must confront the ghosts of his past
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Shepard could see the _Normandy_ just in front of him; Garrus and Miranda were now safely aboard waiting for him. A tremor rocked the station, sending debris hurtling down from above him. He watched as a large girder landed on the platforms between him and the _Normandy_, sending them crashing downwards to their ruin. He narrowed his eyes with grim determination and sped up his run, adamant that he wasn't going to die in this damned place. Shepard reached the edge of the precipice and leapt, Collector gunfire all around him, he knew he wouldn't make it all the way, he just hoped he could hold on.

He slammed into the side of the ship, getting a handhold inside the airlock and tried to pull himself up. Miranda rushed to pull him up into the ship, covered by fire from Joker and Garrus. Shepard looked up into her eyes, seeing the fear in them but also the determination. Miranda took hold of Shepard's arms and pulled him up. _Now we're even_, she thought. Just as he was almost onboard, Shepard felt something strike him under his right arm but with the adrenaline he thought nothing more of it. _Medigel will take care of that_, he thought.

Once he was safely onboard and the airlock sealed he raced to the bridge as Joker opened up the throttle to full to get away from the station before it blew. The _Normandy_ raced away, just finding enough clear space to make a short-hop FTL jump back to the Mass Relay that would take them back to Sahrabarik system, back to Omega.

It had been an hour since they'd got back to known space. An hour since the last remnants of the once proud and mighty Prothean race had been wiped out. In that time he'd spoken with the Illusive Man, effectively cutting his ties to Cerberus. _About time too_, Shepard thought to himself afterwards. He'd been down to the crew deck to see how his crew were doing. He was glad he'd sent Mordin back to escort them, as good a doctor as Dr. Chakwas was she was in no condition to treat all the crew's injuries alone and Mordin was one of the best doctors he'd ever seen. He'd been down to the cargo deck to check on his team. They were all there, just a few scrapes and bruises to show for the brutal and bloody battle they'd just fought. They were all here, almost all anyway.

Miranda had gone to the Medical Bay to get herself checked out. She'd taken a hit in the abdomen just before they discovered the Human-Reaper. Shepard winced as he remembered that moment, seeing the woman he loved stagger backwards until she looked at him and smiled and then carried on. His heart had skipped a beat, fearing the worst. The relief on his face when he saw her smile must have been noticed by the rest of the team, but they didn't say anything. The closest any of them got was Garrus, with just a little smirk on his scarred face.

Shepard was now in his cabin, "The Loft" EDI had said the work crews had called it, and he was feeling a little weak. He wasn't sure why. Shepard remembered feeling a little tug and a short stab of pain, like a pulled muscle, in his chest when he'd removed his armour and changed back into his fatigues but at the time he'd thought nothing of it. Now though he was feeling cold in that side, clammy. He ran the fingers of his left hand under his arm and felt a growing wet patch. He looked down and saw he was bleeding profusely. He started to choke, to gargle in his own blood. He staggered to the elevator, and hit the first button his fogged eyes could make out. He leaned heavily against the door and when it opened, he fell forward onto the deck.

Yeoman Chambers turned as the elevator opened and screamed when she saw Shepard literally fall out. She quickly regained her composure as she raced to her commanding officer's, her friend's, side. She keyed the intercom, "Medical emergency in CIC, Professor Solus to the CIC immediately!" Next thing she knew Mordin was racing from the Tech Lab and at the Commander's side in heartbeat, his omni-tool scanning the damage. "Lacerated pulmonary vein...drowning in own blood...not good, not good. Must get to infirmary...could use help." Kelly hit the intercom hard, "Mr. Taylor! Shepard's in trouble, we need help to get him down to the Med Lab!" The door to the Armoury hissed open, Jacob rushed to help, picking up his friend and helping carefully carry him back into the elevator that would take him to the crew deck. Shepard was still conscious, but barely. He struggled to speak, "Miranda...Miranda..." "Get Miranda to meet us at the Med Lab!" Jacob yelled as the doors closed.

When the doors finally opened, Garrus was standing just outside. He barely managed to contain the shock, covering it with his usual dry humour, "Shepard! What have you gone and done this time?" He helped Jacob get Shepard into the Med Bay and onto one of the beds, Mordin and Dr. Chakwas immediately getting to work to try and repair the damage before he drowned in his own blood. Miranda calmly entered the room as she'd been requested by Yeoman Chambers, over her objections because she was trying to work and the Yeoman wouldn't tell her why she was needed there. When she saw Shepard lying on the bed, blood pouring from his mouth she dropped all appearance of calm and ran to his side. "Shepard! Don't you die on me, damn it! You hear me, don't you go dying on me. I need you Shepard. I...love you, damn it! So don't you die on me!" She began to break off; she could hardly get the words out. She was crying, sobbing. Shepard looked at her, recognising her. "Miranda," he quietly spoke, "I love you too." The last thing he saw before the darkness overcame him was Miranda looking at him lovingly, tears welling in her eyes, streaming down her face. Then he saw no more.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Feeling returned slowly. Shepard could feel himself slowly waking, and the more he woke the more he didn't want to. His chest was sore and aching, it felt as if it weighed a ton. A warm tingling swept up his body, he was almost awake now. He became aware of a gentle pressure on his left hand, and warmth that felt like his hand was wrapped in something. _Not something_, he thought to himself, _skin_. He slowly opened his eyes, seeing the ceiling of the Medical Lab above him. He slowly turned his head to look at his left hand, and smiled. Miranda. How long she'd been by his side he didn't know. For that matter he didn't know how long he'd been unconscious. She appeared to be sleeping, holding his hand in hers, her head resting gently on top. A familiar voice caught his attention. "She's been there for the last eighteen hours." Shepard looked towards the foot of the bed and saw Garrus sitting there, arms folded across the battered breastplate of his armour. "You were in surgery for three hours before that. I think the rest of the team is sleeping, if they can that is. I couldn't, so I came here to keep an eye on you." Garrus looked at him keenly, "It's not the first time I've seen an experienced soldier make a mistake like yours. Since the Alliance introduced medigel to the galaxy I've seen even experienced Turian soldiers die because they came to rely on it more and more. It's great for keeping you in the fight just a little longer, keeping you alive until you can get proper treatment, but I wouldn't rely on it to keep a serious wound sealed until it repairs itself."

Miranda began to stir against Shepard's hand. "I'll leave you two alone for a while. I'll be back later Shepard," Garrus said as he got up and headed for his own bunk in the crew quarters. As Miranda slowly lifted her head, Shepard gently squeezed her head and managed to croak, "Hey." As soon as she heard him speak, Miranda snatched her hand out from his, snapped to her feet and started pacing back and forth. "Damn it, Shepard! How could you be so stupid! You could have died, you could have left me! Damn it I'm so angry with you right now." She sat back down and drew closer to Shepard. "What were you thinking? Did you think you could really tough anything out?" Her face drew closer to his, "Damn it, Shepard I..." She broke off mid-sentence and kissed him passionately, their lips pressed tightly together, her hands either side of his face. "Don't scare me like that again Shepard, you hear me?" She sat back smiling, tears in her eyes, "I thought I was going to lose you. I...I was terrified. Those three hours Mordin and Dr. Chakwas were working on you were the longest of my life." She looked at Shepard with a look of mock indignation on her face, "So don't you do it again, understand?" She laughed as she said it, and the feeling that had weighed her down for almost a day lifted from her shoulders.

Shepard started laughing with her and immediately winced in pain, "Ah. Don't make me laugh, it still hurts." As weak as he felt, he still managed to smile lovingly. Miranda couldn't even maintain her mock anger anymore and smiled back at him. "I didn't get a chance to thank you for saving me back at the Collectors' station. If you hadn't dived after me I'd have fallen. Thank you, Shepard," she said softly, smiling gently. "I couldn't bear to lose you Miranda. I did what I had to do. I did what I wanted to do. You mean more to me than anything, and I wasn't going to lose you to the Collectors," Shepard replied, smiling softly in return. A wave of tiredness quickly overcame Shepard's body and he found himself struggling to stay awake. Miranda saw him fighting to keep his eyes open. "It's alright Shepard, sleep." She lay down on the bed next to him, cuddling up to his left side. She looked at him softly, "I'll be here next to you." She kissed him on the cheek and watched as he fell into a deep sleep, then closed her eyes and followed him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_It rose in front of him like a nightmare. A monstrous metallic hulk, only half formed but still towering above him. A terrifying visage of what could be, what would be, if the Reapers were victorious in the coming war. The Human-Reaper may not yet be sapient but it was aware, and dangerous. Its unfinished forearms clawed at the platform holding Shepard, Miranda and Garrus, its three orange eyes glaring down at them as some sort of charge began to build up at, what would be on a human, its mouth. The three ran for cover, Shepard firing off two shots from his hand cannon before flaring up a biotic field and flexing his muscles. With a gesture of the arm he sent a ball of dark energy arcing toward the Reaper. Shepard saw the impact as he hit cover, saw the metal around one of the eyes warp as its molecules were broken down._ A weak spot! _He thought. "Garrus, Miranda!" he shouted, "aim for the eyes, the armour seems weakest there!"_

_Garrus raised his rifle, sighted down the scope, and squeezed the trigger. The Mantis bucked in his hands as a tungsten slug left the barrel, on course for the Reaper's right eye. He didn't wait to see the impact; a barrage of rifle fire from a group of Collectors forced him back into cover. "Shepard, it looks like some old friends have joined the party!" he called. Shepard turned to face the new threat and saw one of them writhing in tortured agony, glowing from the inside: Harbinger. "Miranda, watch the left, hit them hard!" Again he flexed the muscles in his arms, generating a ball of dark energy that hurled an exposed drone off of the platform and down to its death. He ducked down again just as the Harbinger-drone unleashed an explosive blast of its own. He saw Miranda glowing brightly, surrounded with a biotic field and watched as she hurled a destructive ball of dark energy at Harbinger; watched as the energy tore it apart at a molecular level._

_Shepard turned his attention back to the Reaper; heard Garrus' rifle crack once accompanied by the thud of a Collector's corpse hitting the platform. He fired off half a dozen shots from his hand cannon, exhausting his last thermal clip. "Ah to hell with it!" he said aloud. He carefully flexed his muscles, firing up the element zero nodules in his nervous system. He was surrounded by a storm of dark energy that he pulled together into one powerful burst as he gestured toward the Reaper and unleashed a torrent of dark energy straight at its already damaged eye. The dark energy tore straight through the eye, impacting in the "skull" cavity behind it. Gouts of fire exploded from every orifice in the Reaper's head as it reeled back, the eyes went dark and the Reaper fell forward, smashing into the platform._

_The platform toppled heavily to one side, throwing Miranda off balance. Garrus managed to stay on his feet at what was now the top of the platform, but Miranda was sliding down the damaged platform towards the waiting abyss. _Miranda!_ Shepard thought. He dived down the platform after her, sliding along with his hand outstretched, desperately trying to catch her, to save her. Miranda was getting dangerously close to the edge and Shepard couldn't quite reach her. They tried to grab hold of each other's outstretched hands but couldn't quite make it. Miranda slid over the edge..._

Shepard awoke with a start and cried out from the pain in his right side. Miranda heard the cry of pain and woke to see Shepard clutching at his side. "What happened?" she asked him, a look of concern on her beautifully sculpted face. Shepard winced as she checked his dressing, "I was dreaming. But it wasn't a dream, it was a memory. We were back on the Collectors' station. Back in the Human-Reaper chamber: fighting that thing. I saw you start sliding down the platform and dived after you but I couldn't reach you," his voice had started to quiver and break, "I woke up at the moment you went over the edge." Miranda turned to face him, saw the barely contained anguish on his face. She kissed him tenderly on the lips, "It's ok Shepard, you caught me. You didn't let me fall, you saved me." She looked back at his dressing again, "Now then, you didn't pull anything out so just lie back."

She got up from the bed and gave him a sultry smile. "I'm just going to grab a shower and change my clothes. You just lie still and I'll bring something back for you to look at." She flashed him a wink and walked seductively out of the Med Lab, knowing his eyes were following her out. As she was halfway across the Mess Hall she turned and smiled, then turned back towards her own room. Shepard sat up in his bed and looked out of the window. The day watch was in the Mess Hall grabbing a quick breakfast before their shift started. Crewman Hawthorne was nursing his broken arm over his breakfast; Goldstein appeared to be ribbing him about it. Engineers Donnelly and Daniels were sat talking away with Tali. Shepard smiled; they were no doubt talking about new ways to tinker with the _Normandy_'s systems. Either that or Ken was trying to con her into a game of Skyllian Five poker. He made a note to himself that he'd have to warn her about that at some point, hopefully before Ken had helped himself to a few of her credits at the poker table.

They'd done it. They'd done the impossible. They'd gone through the Omega 4 relay, taken out the Collectors' station and made it back with no fatalities._ So why do I feel so uneasy?_ Shepard thought to himself. _What's missing? What am _I_ missing?_ He lay back down but didn't go back to sleep. He'd slept enough over the last couple of days, and even with the aching in his side he felt restless. Something didn't feel right, but he couldn't place his finger on it. Something felt very wrong indeed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Shepard tossed violently in his sleep, his brow furrowed with tension. _He's reliving it all again_, Miranda thought. She was sitting up in bed, resting on her elbow, watching Shepard as he fitfully slept. Each night for the last four nights had been like this. Miranda gently slid out of bed and moved quietly towards the pile of clothes on the sofa, her naked form silhouetted in the light of the aquarium. She dressed slowly, taking care not to wake Shepard, looking back at him wistfully. _I wish I knew how to help him_, it frustrated her that she didn't know what she could do for him directly. _Directly...what about indirectly?_ A little smile spread across her lips as she stepped quietly toward Shepard's desk. She sat down and turned on his private terminal. She opened the monitoring programs planted onto his email and scanned through his message archive until she came across a message sent to him a couple of months earlier. A message from Councillor Anderson. _Perfect_, she thought. She hit reply and started writing a message of her own, trying to imitate her lover as best she could. She hit 'Send' and then quietly stepped out of Shepard's room so as to not wake him. "EDI," she said, "I want us to be at the Citadel as soon as possible. Please inform Joker as soon as he's available." "Very well Miss Lawson." replied the Normandy's AI. With that done, Miranda went back inside and slowly peeled off her clothes, letting them fall to the floor in a puddle around her feet as she reached Shepard's bed and carefully slid back under the sheets. "I've got a surprise for you later," she whispered in his ear. She kissed him lightly on the cheek and lay down next to him, cuddling up and wrapping her arm over his chest. She slowly drifted off to sleep, a contented smile on her face.

Miranda was nervous. She'd held hundreds of private meetings with influential people before, so why was this one making her so nervous. _Maybe it's because it isn't business_, she thought to herself. "Damn it!" she said aloud. Joker's voice suddenly sprang from the intercom, "Err, Miranda? We've just cleared the Mass Relay, on final approach to the Citadel now." Miranda composed herself before responding, "Understood. I'm on my way up to the bridge." She left her office and headed for the elevator. She got inside and hit the console for the Combat Deck. A smile crossed her face as she thought about what she had planned for Shepard and hoped that she could at least get some answers as to why the dreams were affecting him so much. As the elevator doors hissed open her smile disappeared behind a professional veneer of calm and discipline. She walked past the CIC operators, nodding to Yeoman Chambers. She mounted the steps heading towards the bridge walking past Crewmen Hadley and Matthews, deep in conversation as ever. As she entered the bridge she saw the gleaming light of the Serpent Nebula in front of them, illuminating the Citadel for all incoming ships to behold. Joker turned as she entered, "Miranda, Citadel Control has directed us to dock 422 in the diplomatic wing. Is there something I should know about?" Miranda half-smiled, "We're receiving a special visitor. I'd like the team assembled to meet him at the airlock in ten minutes." She turned and headed back to the CIC, readying herself for what was to come.

The airlock hissed open in front of Anderson, and what he saw around him was oddly familiar. "Attention on deck!" ordered a female voice in front of him. He turned his attention to the welcoming party, "At ease." He looked down the ragtag line that made up his welcoming committee. Three humans; two well presented, the third looking like she'd just escaped from an asylum, a Salarian who seemed somewhat restless, an Asari, a Krogan, a Quarian, a Drell and a Turian. None of them seeming familiar, at least not until he recognised the scarred face of Garrus Vakarian. "Good to see you again Garrus," he said, taking the Turian's hand. Garrus returned the handshake, "It's an honour to see you Councillor, and I just wish it were under slightly better circumstances." "What do you mean Garrus?" asked Anderson. "Allow me to answer that Councillor." Miranda stepped forward, causing Anderson's C-Sec guards to move to block her. Anderson waved them aside, "So what's going on here Miss...." "Lawson, Miranda Lawson," Miranda replied. "This isn't something that should be discussed in the open, if you'll follow me we'll talk about this in my office. If your guards are feeling nervous they're more than welcome to escort you there." Miranda started to head down the passage leading back to the CIC. Anderson stopped her, "Hold on a minute Miss Lawson, where is Commander Shepard? The message I received from him sounded urgent and yet he isn't here. What's going on?" Miranda turned to face him again, "I'll explain everything once we're in private Councillor, you have my word. This is too sensitive to talk about in the open." Anderson nodded to the C-Sec officers and followed Miranda towards the elevator at the back of the CIC. Garrus followed close behind.

The elevator door opened and the party followed Miranda out and towards her office. As they approached the doorway she turned, "Councillor, could I ask that your guards wait outside. There is a...personal...matter that I'd rather not have other people listening in on." One of the C-Sec officers, a Turian stepped forward to protest, but was cut off by a stern look from Anderson, "I'll go along with this for now Miss Lawson, but I want answers. You understand?" Miranda nodded in agreement and stepped inside her office, walking around her desk to one of her sofas and motioning for Anderson to have a seat. "First of all, Councillor I must apologise to you. Commander Shepard didn't send you that message. I sent it, using his address. I didn't think you'd come if it came from me directly, so I sent it using his name." She looked at Anderson, but his expression had remained calm and collected. "I'd guessed as much once I was onboard," he said, "but I had to know what was so important that somebody used Shepard's name to get me onboard." Miranda let out a small sigh, "It's about Shepard. He's not sleeping well at night. He's reliving our last mission over again in his mind and not even he knows why. We didn't lose anybody, which is a miracle given the nature of the mission, yet he keeps going over and over it again in his dreams. I do my best to comfort him, but he's still not sleeping." She stopped and raised her head to look at Anderson, who was now sitting back. "You care about him don't you Miss Lawson?" he asked. She nodded, "Yes Councillor, I do care about him. And I'm starting to worry about him." Anderson looked at the window across from him, stood up and walked over to it, looking out at the Citadel through the viewport.

After a few moments, Anderson turned to face Miranda. "I think I know what's really troubling him, what's secretly troubled him after every major operation in the last nine years. Elysium. The Skyllian Blitz did more than make Shepard's reputation as a hero. It made him the man he is today in ways very few people know. He lost a lot of good people when the Batarians hit Elysium, other than that it's not my place to say. If you care about him like I think you do, then my advice would be to take him to Elysium. I saw the damage to the _Normandy_ from the dock, I'll have a talk with Matriarch Lidanya and see if we can get this ship into dry-dock for repairs. Now though, I'd like to see Commander Shepard." Miranda rose from the sofa and waved him to the door, "Of course Councillor, if you follow me I'll take you up to his cabin." Anderson left Miranda's office and quickly spoke to his guards. They fell in behind Anderson and Miranda as they entered the elevator and got out at the Combat Deck. Miranda gave Anderson a quizzical look. "I told them to make the arrangements to have the _Normandy_ moved to dry-dock first thing in the morning." A smile crossed his lips, "Besides, I didn't want them hanging around outside while I'm enjoying a nice long talk with a friend." Miranda smiled as the elevator door opened at Deck One. "Sir, tell Shepard I'll be in the CIC if he needs me." Anderson nodded once, then stepped out of the elevator and hit the chime on the door console in front of him. "Come in!" came Shepard's voice from inside. Anderson stepped into the spacious cabin and saw his former protégé in bed, reading over a data pad.

"You look like hell Shepard."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Shepard looked up from the data pad he was reading and smiled. "Anderson! What are you doing here?" Shepard said as he moved to get out of bed. Anderson quickly waved him to stay where he was, "Don't get up Shepard, you won't do yourself any favours." Anderson took the chair from Shepard's desk and carried it down the step to the living area. He put it next to Shepard's bed and sat down, a somewhat concerned look on his face, "Just dropping by to see an old friend." Shepard's brow furrowed as he studied Anderson's face closely. "What's the real reason you're here, sir?" he asked. Anderson let out a small sigh and dropped his shoulders, "Miss Lawson invited me aboard Shepard, using your name. We talked in her office before I came up to see you; she's worried about you Shepard. You two are close aren't you?" Shepard seemed to drift into a long past memory before answering. "I haven't been as close to anyone since..." his eyes began to glisten as he spoke, "since Jenny."

Anderson noticed a tear fall from Shepard's face. He took a moment to let Shepard compose himself before he spoke. "Jenny? I thought you cared for each other a great deal, but I didn't think you were that close, at least not yet. She told me you haven't been sleeping well, that you're plagued by dreams of your last mission. What happened?" Shepard looked thoughtful for a moment before turning back to look at Anderson, "Nothing went wrong Anderson, nothing. It was the smoothest operation I've ever been a part of. No friendly casualties, none. That's what I don't get. You know that since Elysium I've had dreams after every major operation going over in my mind what I could have done better, what I could have done to save those I lost." He paused for a moment and closed his eyes briefly before continuing, "You know I had terrible dreams after Virmire, going over the operation again trying to see if there was anything I could have done to have saved Ash. There was nothing anyone could do to save her, but I kept going over it anyway just to be sure. This time we didn't lost anyone. Everyone on my team made it through and we saved every last crewman the Collectors captured. This time I just don't understand it Anderson."

"Have you talked to her about any of this Shepard? Have you talked to her about Elysium, about Jenny?" Anderson asked. Shepard raised his eyes to the ceiling, "No, I haven't. I had dinner with my Yeoman, Kelly, a week or so back and talked to her about Elysium. Unofficially she's the ship's counsellor. I knew it was getting close to the end and that we'd be hitting the Omega-4 relay soon and it was something I needed to get off my chest before the mission. I couldn't tell Miranda then, I couldn't risk having anyone on my team distracted by any concern for my emotional wellbeing. But I didn't talk about Jenny; it still hurts every time I do." Anderson stood and turned to look at the aquarium, "I told Miss Lawson about you and Elysium Shepard. Not everything, but enough. I've arranged to have the _Normandy_ moved to dry-dock for repair. If I'm right Miss Lawson is already planning a little trip for the two of you while you're in dock, at my suggestion." A gentle smile crept onto Anderson's face as he turned back to look at Shepard, "Take my advice Shepard, tell her what happened on Elysium. Tell her everything. Tell her about Jenny. Maybe it's time you went back and faced your demons. You're not alone anymore Shepard."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Miranda turned as the elevator door hissed open behind her. As she saw the single occupant she raised her voice to the crew and saluted, "Attention on deck!" Everyone in the CIC snapped to attention at their stations as Councillor Anderson exited the elevator. He smiled and raised his hand, "As you were," he said before turning his attention to Miranda. "Would you mind escorting me to the airlock Miss Lawson?" he said. Miranda stepped down from the command station at the Galaxy Map and smiled, "I'd be happy to Councillor," she gestured forward, "this way sir." She stepped into line beside Anderson on the short walk to airlock. He looked to her as they crossed the CIC, "Shepard would like to see you in his cabin when we're done here Miss Lawson. We had a damned good talk, it's been a while since I spent a couple of hours just talking and laughing with a friend, but I can only do so much to help him. I convinced him that there are things about him you need to know, things about his past that aren't documented and are only known by a small handful of people. He's ready to talk to you about what happened on Elysium, and my advice to you is to simply listen. Let him open up to you, just be there for him when he needs you. Truth be told there isn't a whole lot else you can do for him except listen and be there for him when he's finished." As he finished speaking they reached the entrance to the cockpit. Anderson smiled and threw Miranda a wink before turning to the cockpit and calling to Joker, "Still stroking your console Joker?" Anderson laughed as Joker swung his chair around and glared back at him, "Very funny Councillor," came the reply as Joker awkwardly got out of his chair and saluted, "It was good to see you again sir." "Likewise Joker," Anderson said, offering his hand to Joker and shaking it before turning back to Miranda. "Well Miss Lawson I'd better be getting back to work, can't have too much fun now can I?" He chuckled briefly, eliciting a smile from Miranda. He offered the formal naval farewell, "Permission to disembark?" "Permission granted sir" Miranda replied, saluting Anderson once more. Anderson returned the salute and entered the airlock, "Take care of him Miss Lawson." He said as the door sealed behind him. "I will," she said quietly under her breath, turning to address Joker, "Joker, you have the deck. I'm going up to speak with Shepard." Joker chuckled, "So _that's_ what you call it huh?" Miranda tossed him a warning glare before heading back towards the elevator.

Shepard was sat on his couch, leaning forward and looking into the pitcher of water on the table in front of him as though lost in memory. He'd gotten out of bed and managed to find something comfortable in his wardrobe that didn't irritate his side. He snapped out of his daydream when the chime to his door sounded and he knew exactly who it was going to be. "Come in Miranda" he said. The door hissed open and Miranda walked in, "Anderson said you wanted to talk to me about something" she said, a comforting smile on her face. Shepard looked at her and sighed, "Yes. I haven't talked to many people about this before, and you're the first person in years I want to share this with. I want to tell you what happened on Elysium, I want to tell you about Jenny."

Gunnery Chief Shepard quickly glanced over the low wall he was using as cover, and was rewarded by a hail of rifle fire from the Batarians nearby. Shepard looked around him; most of his men were dead, their bodies lying where they fell. His platoon leader, Second Lieutenant Dieter Weber, lay dead just feet away from him, his grey eyes staring blankly up at the smoke-filled sky, a small blood lined hole in his throat. Private Mitchell was nearby, bleeding from a wound to his abdomen, a wound he wouldn't survive unless help arrived soon. The few men he had left weren't even soldiers; they were civilians helping to defend their homes from the Batarian Raiders. The Batarians had landed on the edge of the colony, near the industrial district and so far they'd managed to hold them, giving most of the civilians a chance to get to the shelters near the centre of the colony. A few had volunteered to help the few Marines stationed on Elysium to defend the colony. A single company of Marines trying to defend the capital city simply wasn't enough. Commander Martinez had sent Shepard's platoon to the industrial district while the other platoons were spread thinly around the rest of the capital. He felt someone squeeze his hand and he looked to his left, into the eyes of Jennifer Holmes, his fiancée. "It's ok Shepard, everyone here will do our best for you. You can get us through this, I know you can." She kissed him lightly on the lips and smiled, until she looked around at the dead bodies around them. "We all knew what we were getting ourselves into when we volunteered to help you." She sighed heavily until a shout from across the street caught everyone's attention. Mitchell had seen something in the sky, something coming towards their location at high speed. The Batarians had brought in a fighter to try and force the entrenched defenders out of their positions.

Shepard's eyes widened at the horror he knew was coming towards them. "Fall back! Everybody fall back! Get into the warehouses!" he shouted, signalling the direction everyone should head for. He turned to Jenny, "Help me get Mitchell out of here. I'm not leaving him to those Batarian bastards. You get him, I'll cover you." With that Shepard swung his Lancer up over the wall aimed down the sights and started firing. He kept a close eye on the rifle's heat monitor, firing in short bursts so that the weapon didn't overheat. He saw one Batarian pop up to return fire and mangled his head with a few well placed slugs. As the fighter drew perilously close Shepard abandoned his cover and headed backwards towards the warehouses. Seeing their enemy falling back more Batarians advanced, several of them struck down by fire from Shepard's rifle and another struck by dark energy and hurled back into the wall of a nearby building with a sickening crunch. Shepard knew that charging his body with dark energy would create an aura around his body, an aura that all the Batarians could see and aim for, which was exactly what he wanted. If that fighter saw him then maybe it would concentrate on him and not the fleeing civilians. Most of them were inside the nearest warehouse now; Jenny and Mitchell were almost to the door. Shepard looked back to the fast approaching fighter and realized with horror that the pilot was ignoring him. He was going for the warehouse! "Jenny! Jenny, get back! Get back!" As he screamed for her to stop the fighter launched a pair of missiles that streaked in on the warehouse, exploding on impact. Shepard watched with horror as Jenny, the woman he loved, was blown backwards by the force of the impact, watched as she hit the ground with a sickening thud. He ran over to her, his heart pounding in his chest, terror clawing at him. "No," he said, barely audible, his voice hoarse with emotion. The sight of her lifeless body crumpled in an awkward pose hit him like a biotic slam. "Jenny, no..." he could barely hear himself, as tears welled in his eyes. He fell to his knees beside her, slowly rolling her over. He looked into her vacant eyes and knew that she was gone, her face blackened and burned by the explosion, and her body broken from the impact. His eyes welled up with tears, grief and rage taking hold of him as he began to sob uncontrollably, cradling her in his arms. He kissed her dead lips and let out a scream of rage. The tears stopped as anger and rage flashed into his eyes. He gently lowered her body to the ground, hefted his rifle and was suddenly wreathed in an aura of blue flame.

Shepard looked up and saw that the fighter was swinging around for another pass, just to make sure every last defender was dead. His face twisted with rage and he flexed his muscles, generating a field of dark energy that he sent hurtling towards the incoming fighter. Shepard watched as it pierced the cockpit, killing the pilot almost certainly, and blew right through the back of the fighter. The Batarian fighter began to break apart and exploded, showering debris across the burning area. Gunfire from behind him quickly forced Shepard to refocus. Instead of diving for cover as all his training told him he should do, he stood his ground, ready to die. Everything he loved in the galaxy had been taken from him, everyone he had loved on Mindoir was dead, and now so was his one bright light in the galaxy, Jenny. The Batarians charged and Shepard sighted down his rifle. He squeezed the trigger and held it down, no longer caring if the Lancer overheated or not. He sprayed across the charging Batarians, gunning down half a dozen before the alarm sounded on his rifle and it overheated. He threw the weapon away and flung himself at the Batarians, determined that though he would die, he would not die alone. Several slugs were deflected by his barriers as he charged at the Batarians, his biotic field flaring as he manipulated it to decrease his own mass, increasing his speed. He leapt at the first Batarian, aiming a kick at his ribcage. At the moment his kick connected he inverted his biotic field to increase his mass. The increase in mass combined with his momentum caused his kick to shatter the Batarian's ribcage, collapsing his chest entirely. As he came out of the manoeuvre, Shepard flung a ball of dark energy at another nearby Batarian who screamed as the molecules of his body were torn apart.

A metal slug broke through Shepard's barriers and struck him the left shoulder, the Batarian who fired it quickly found himself being pulled up into the air before falling back to the ground head first and landing sickeningly. The remaining few Batarians paused, fearing the maelstrom of death that stood before them. That maelstrom of death was Shepard, and Shepard was the last thing those few Batarians saw. Shepard used the dark energy in his body to lighten his mass again and leaped high into the air and landed in the middle of the Batarians, lashing out with fast and furious blows, increasing the mass of his body at the moment of impact, shattering bone and tearing flesh with each furious blow. When no more Batarians were left standing, Shepard looked around and the rage began to fade. One of them was still alive, but not for long. "Please, have mercy!" he pleaded. After what he'd seen Shepard was having none of it. He drew his pistol and aimed it at the Batarian's face, "You mean like the mercy you showed these people?" He pulled the trigger, spattering the ground with blood and brain tissue. As the last of the rage and anger left his weary body, the grief and sorrow took hold of him. He dropped his gun on the ground and walked back to where Jenny still lay. He dropped to his knees and took her body in his arms, cradling her as he wept uncontrollably. He was still holding onto her when reinforcements from the SSV _Agincourt_ arrived half an hour later.

Shepard raised his head from his hands, tears in his eyes. "We were due to get married in six weeks Miranda. The Alliance pinned the Star of Terra on my chest and put me on the N7 training programme and called me a hero. But those people are dead because of me. She's dead because of me. I killed her Miranda. I failed her, I killed her." He broke off and lowered his head. When he raised it again he looked deep into Miranda's eyes. "I haven't felt about anybody the way I felt about Jenny since she died, until I met you. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you Miranda." Miranda smiled and gave him a gentle kiss, "You're not going to lose anyone, at least not if I have anything to say about it. I've made arrangements to take the shuttle to Elysium while the _Normandy_ is in dry-dock. Maybe it'll do you some good to go back there and see what you saved, not just what you lost. And I'll be there with you."


End file.
